What makes you intimidating to "boys?"

good questions, vineet.

i think there's several things that make me intimidating to guys, but i only know a couple as i've only discussed this w/ my girl friends and not guy friends.

in high school and younger i was one of very few black people in predominately white private schools (senior year, there were seven of us in a class of over 200). anyway, as usually almost the only guys i liked were white, they were definitely intimidated by the 'black' factor. we were cool as friends (although they were still intimidated) but relationship-wise - uh uh.

also, until around 8th grade or so, i was always 'bigger' than most of the other girls. i was taller, larger, and much, much more developed. i looked older than i was. i often was taller and bigger than many of the guys. so all of those physicals - color, size, etc. - definitely played a role.

another thing is i'm an old soul. i often find it easier to relate to others older than i, so it can be difficult enough developing healthy relationships w/ girl friends; it was practically impossible to develop those same relationships w/ guys my age b/c it was almost as if we were on different planets.

skip ahead to the last few years... i think i've done this for several, several years but it's becoming more apparent to me now: i walk around w/ a 'don't approach me' vibe. i think as much as i want someone to approach me, i really don't like being "hit on". in dc (where i'm currently at), the guys/men are much more forward and i sort of put on this mask to guard myself from it. sometimes when i'm walking in the city i'll consciously put on a guard that says "don't hit on me b/c i will fuck you up."

come to think of it, i think that when i feel intimidated by guys, i am that much more quick to put on a mask of intimidation. kind of like a "don't think you're going to get over" attitude. definitely the message i give is "leave me alone" when often i really want someone to approach me. that's probably a part of the reason i find it so awkward if i'm at a club; it's very unnatural for me to try to put on the 'typical girl' "come-and-approach-me" air.

i think that's one of the reasons i like meeting people on the internet - i find it a lot less threatening.

i definitely find it more desirable if a man isn't or is less intimidated by me. when it comes down to it i want a guy to "wear the pants" so to speak, but i'm not going to just give over that power; if the guy is the type of person to have that energy of 'being in control' (not dominating, not trying to rule over me, not cocky about it, but someone who's just comfortable taking the lead), i'll let down my reins and allow myself to be more vulnerable.

like i said in regards to a man being 'fearless' - well, i don't know relate well to that term. granted i don't want a man to fear me, but definitely respect me, so it depends on what fearless means. if a dude has the attitude of "oh you're not intimidating; i'm the top dog", then that relationship is going to end really quickly. but on the other hand, if a guy walks around on eggshells, constantly fearful of upsetting me or saying the wrong thing, i'll find it hard to respect him and that relationship won't work for a long period of time either. like i said, i find that a relationship works best for me when a guy is comfortable taking the lead but is also cool w/ me doing so when i desire, and the guy sees us as equals.

My motorcycle.
I find that it is very intimidating to boys that I have a Harley...and know how to ride. Sometimes, much better than they do.
My brains.
Guys are intimidated with girls that can think for themselves. :-)

I love it when a guy is intimidated....very powerful, and very sexy. Yet, I also love it when he becomes fearless and can match my wit, and zest and independence in life.
Maybe I just like men.... :-)
Yep, that could be it.

pure NRG... true,real and can be circumspect to what men think makes a woman.

I often wonder about that myself.
Inside my head, I assure you, I am not all intimidating, except when you piss me off.

But I've been told that I am intimidating, most of my teen and adult life. Sometimes I am told, it's because of my artistic ability. Sometimes they say that I am an old soul, or that there is something about me, when I walk into a room, and it makes people nervous. Sometimes, it's my shyness, mixed with my self-awareness, that comes off as more assrtive and in control than I actually think I am. Sometimes, it's just the flesh reality of me- I'm tall and strong willed and intense, and even in my shy moments, that comes across.

It's weird though, how OFTEN, friends and boys will tell me, after getting to know me, how scary I was initially.

I sometimes think being intimidating has less to do with ME, and a lot more to do with the refections that other people see of themselves, when they look at me.

I know part of it is my unwavering eye contact. I'm not afraid to look directly at (or through) you. Some people tell me that the piercings/tattoos/stuff are scary, but I don't think that's what really makes me intimidating. I have a semi-photographic memory so I can bring up facts at my leisure....so if you say something to me, you had better remember EXACTLY what it was! I'm told I'm hard to approach quite often. I think it's because I have the "I-don't-really-give-a-fuck" vibe. Then to top it all off, I can flip everything around and have a very professional day job that requires me to use my brain constantly...most of those facts are retained as well. *shrugs* Who knows, maybe I'm just a bitch, hahah. =) If a guy breaks through and becomes fearless he'd better have something interesting to say!!

I suspect, from a guy's point of view, that different things intimidate different people. Sarah's working as a mechanic, and Shakalover's being black don't intimidate me, nor does intelligence. But if I see a woman who I think is exceptionally attractive, I'm intimidated - or at least I used to be before my marriage situation...

A lot of it is self-insecurity, self-image, and expectations - and perhaps a certain amount of ignorance. In this day and age it's surprising how many people don't expect women to be self-assertive or do "guy jobs" (Sarah ;-)>

Those who have gotten over that social training run into other difficulties - a lot of assertive women (no, I wouldn't even say the majority) can be... shall we say "difficult to work with" and that's partly because a lot of people don't know how to be assertive and considerate at the same time. Assertive doesn't necessarily mean pushy, if you know what I mean...

A surprising amount of intimidation comes from the idea of "well, she's done more/better at/knows more than me - what could I possibly provide for her? What could she possibly see in me? Our society is overflowing with insecure people or people who are insecure about some aspect of themselves, and think that someone who is or appears to be intimidating doesn't have that problem.

A great example is guys in relation to beautiful women. Beautiful women have the hardest time getting dates because your average joe believes that since everyone want them, everyone is approaching them, or they're ultra-picky because they can have anyone they want so why would she even be interested in their kinda boring normal life. Many know it's not true, but it's hard to overcome that. It's hard to believe a beautiful woman is just human.

Then there's the stimulation factor. One of my own insecurities is "what do I have/do that will keep her interested?" What I do keeps ME interested, but then I don't do a lot of "normal" things or think in the "normal" way, so it would take a special kind of person to conduct a relationship well - find someone who can REALLY relate, not just watch from the grandstand.

Also, the "don't approach me' vibe" (ShakaLover :-) has a couple difficulties inherent in it. Guys and girls who are considerate and honest will take you at your attitude thinking that that's what you want (you're spoken for, not interested in their gender, want to be left alone...), so you lose out on that group. The bold and INconsiderate you won't want anyway (you'd be at best a trophy). It also displays a certain lack of intimacy (whether true or not) at first glance.

Like I said before, it's different for everyone when you get to specifics, and the above-mentioned are just a few issues, but I think they cover a lot...

I find that boys are intimidated by my intelligence and (over)education - as if my doctoral studies in one tiny field means they have nothing to teach me about their own interests or about life. I'm also very direct about my opinions and my politics - I'm a feminist and I'm not shy about it. I think there's still the idea that feminists hate men and think that women are better than men - which is not necessarily the case, but since boys don't often read feminist literature they are often not aware of the varieties of feminism and the changes it's gone through in the past two decades.

Also I tend to be very direct - I tell people the truth when they ask, and I like to be direct and say that I'm interested. Likewise, a lot of boy are intimidated by the fact that I like sex, and that I ask for what I want and what I can do for them. Despite the many open minds and changes in society, it's still intimidating for a lot of guys when a girl is open and direct about her sexuality - like it's still not quite ok for girls to want it. It's always interesting to see how a guy responds when he finds out I've got condoms in my bag. Some guys are cool but some guys are judgemental - like only sluts carry condoms.

Example - I had a one-night stand that turned into something a little more serious and it eventually became clear that he didn't trust me because of "how we met." As if *I* was the only one having sex with a stranger that night! As if it was ok for him but not for me!

I think I'd rather that boys become fearless than remain intimidated. The intimidation can really put a strain on a relationship. Plus, if boys get over their intimidation it's usually a sign that we're starting to understand each other and that we have similar values and ideas.

Strength manifested as confidence. It's a merciless spotlight on the insecure... especially for males with fragile primitive egos.

I disdain fear, it's repulsive.

Guess I have to say it again...it's not that I find many women "intimidating", but more that if I see a woman who's forthright, straightforward, outspoken and other words to that effect, and she doesn't express any interest in me, I figure she's not interested.

Why would a woman who's so up front about everything else not be up front about someone she's interested in?

And so, out of politeness (or timidity), I stay quiet, *apparently* intimidated. Same effect, whether I am or not.

usually its my mohawk, my big tits and my facial tatoos and piercings in my neck.. but then also when i know more about cars then some guys do it bothers some...

i think mostly its my mind though, and my ability to talk trash with the guys and not stop to apologize for my bad mouth.. :)


Its desireable and not desirable for a man to remain intimidated by me.. depending on the situation especially in BDSM situations and situations of potential vicitimization of me.

If he breaks through and becomes fearless it depends on the situation, it either arouses me or scares me, if it scares me its usually not a good thing because I fight back.


R

Hi Bebe here new to this tribe.....



hmmm Vineet good question with many answers.
How I see it, is in life you can take shit and say nothing, or you can take shit and SAY something and do something about it. Whether it be boys or whatever. If it is fucked up. I will open my mouth. That intimidates boys, that also intimidates those who rather do nothing but bitch and be miserable and cause the rest to be the same, well fuck that and fuck them and if their intimidated by what comes from my mouth so be it. They fear what they don't know and thats sad. And a sad excuse.


It goes back to the womb lol funny but true if u get a chance look in my album better yet I'll post it here my baby picture from birth, fist up and frowning 34 yrs later I look the fucking same, I tell guys thats me in pics yeah I guess if u see me in person and say something funny or trip and fall I may crack a smile lol hell I take bad pics always have, I even got in a fucking fight w/ some asshole here on tribe about my pics! believe that shit? stupid mother... sorry lol he thought he knew better that I "should" smile in pics in such, I was like who the fuck are you? like I need to explain to him that as a child I was named by my mothers friends "The Dragon Lady" hmm thats my face. ya think he might have been intimidated by some damn pics? btw how well do self pics come out when ur smoking anyway?

ok next... I'm 5' with a 36 DDD chest, thats NOT a typo, so guys 1st thing is ooo tits and she's little, yeah but i'll kick your ass, run you over in my 4 x4 and leave you some where. So if your 1st thought is to be a dumb ass Thats how I'll treat you, from behind my shades.

And I have no fear 9 times out 10

And them breaking through and becoming fearless, well when it happens we will see how "fearless" he really is now wouldn't we?

Lots of things, i am smart, talented, adventurous, and won't pretend i am not just to get some dude to like me....

i do enjoy going to the shooting range, most of the guys there are really lousy shots, i can admit a guilty pleasure from freaking them out a little...(i'm a pretty good shot)

generally though - i don't wish to be intimidating. there are men who really love a strong woman....love those guys!

I am honest, don't talk in circles, and am strong sexual funny intriguing loving hard cruel forthright pragmatic skilled capable without losing any part of being a lady.

What makes me intimidating is that I don't need them, and it's obvious. So many women -- most, actually -- play to men's egos and fluff them to get what they want. I don't, and they don't know how to handle it.

Sounds like most of the chicks in this tribe are intimidating to men because we don't fitthe old subservient roles of women.

While it's kind of fun to go 'aw shucks I wish I could get a date' because it points up the fact that we don't fit that abhorrent model, I'd much rather be dateless than have to wear heels, waste an hour or two every day on makeup, and simper uselessly when I want to talk to someone of the opposite gender.

Stay strong, ya'all! It is worth it -- WE are worth it!

Sometimes it’s my height: I’m 5’ 9” barefoot and about 150 lbs. with a mid-to-lean figure but enough curves to keep it interesting.
Sometimes it’s because I’m at home being a tomboy, getting in there and having dirt under my fingernails. Not afraid of a little hard work and sweat.
Sometimes it’s because he hates to admit that I’m smarter than him.
Sometimes it’s because my conversation (at least at my 80% male workplace) is assertive, almost challenging even when there’s no actual conflict, and I like to make direct eye contact and not blink too much but look deep into his eyes.
Sometimes it’s because I will put actions to my thoughts. I hate ‘paralysis by analysis’ and will devise an action plan and not waste too much time before I execute it. My natural grain is to direct myself and not allow anyone to lead me or tell me what to do (this is why it’s such a relief/release when I get to relax and be the Sub’)
I think it depends on the guy. If, as the question states, he is a “boy”, then he will be intimidated and walk away *sigh*. If he is a Man, then he will see me as a prize worth the effort and will rise to the challenge. This Man is what turns me on. This Man will be rewarded.